What happens when an angry agitated person is told to relax? Alternatives you may have heard:
"Don't take it so seriously."
"C'mon, lighten up."
"Don't take is so personally."
"Where's your sense of humour?"
From what you've seen or experienced, does the agitated person suddenly snap out of it and relax, lighten up and chuckle?
Thursday 22 July 2010
Wednesday 21 July 2010
Smoke, smoke, smoke that cigarette
On Monday I was at an international meeting in London with some youngsters (+/- 30) from various countries. Out of 9 of us, the three German lads and one South African smoked a cigarette every hour or so, out on the balcony.
Since the Monday before, I've been going to visit my mum in hospital in Bath every day - she fell in our kitchen and broke her femur. From the distinctive baccy odour of them I would estimate around half of the medical staff (nurses, orderlies etc, not doctors) are smokers.
Just a couple of weeks earlier my wife was "shadowing" in the same hospital - prepared to start work there in August. Her first stint will be in the ward dealing with respiratory patients, who are in a lot worse shape than many other types. Virtually all of them are smokers.
And thinking a lot further back, my Dad smoked 60 untipped a day all the years I was living at my parent's house. The whole place was shrouded in smoke all the time. He continued smoking after his first heart attack at 60 something, and pretended to stop after his second a few years later. (He used to "go for a walk" and come back reeking of cigarettes and mint). As a kid I swore I would never smoke but I started around age 18-19 and continued to my mid-30s - never more than 4-5 a day usually, but even so....
Of course rates of cigarette smoking have gone down a lot, but my recent experiences show that there are still plenty of people smoking. I could go all high-moral-tone, but I must recognise that I too smoked for 20 years or so despite having had graphic evidence of its ill effects. I wasn't smoking to impress people - I mostly smoked alone at home, towards the end of the day. Even while I was smoking, I could feel it harming me, yet I continued. What the heck was I doing?
And now, despite being pretty optimistic about most things, I wonder what real chances there are of people changing their behaviour for the better (energy use, eating better etc.) when so many of us carry on with an activity that's expensive, socially discouraged and is virtually guaranteed to cause severe health problems?
Since the Monday before, I've been going to visit my mum in hospital in Bath every day - she fell in our kitchen and broke her femur. From the distinctive baccy odour of them I would estimate around half of the medical staff (nurses, orderlies etc, not doctors) are smokers.
Just a couple of weeks earlier my wife was "shadowing" in the same hospital - prepared to start work there in August. Her first stint will be in the ward dealing with respiratory patients, who are in a lot worse shape than many other types. Virtually all of them are smokers.
And thinking a lot further back, my Dad smoked 60 untipped a day all the years I was living at my parent's house. The whole place was shrouded in smoke all the time. He continued smoking after his first heart attack at 60 something, and pretended to stop after his second a few years later. (He used to "go for a walk" and come back reeking of cigarettes and mint). As a kid I swore I would never smoke but I started around age 18-19 and continued to my mid-30s - never more than 4-5 a day usually, but even so....
Of course rates of cigarette smoking have gone down a lot, but my recent experiences show that there are still plenty of people smoking. I could go all high-moral-tone, but I must recognise that I too smoked for 20 years or so despite having had graphic evidence of its ill effects. I wasn't smoking to impress people - I mostly smoked alone at home, towards the end of the day. Even while I was smoking, I could feel it harming me, yet I continued. What the heck was I doing?
And now, despite being pretty optimistic about most things, I wonder what real chances there are of people changing their behaviour for the better (energy use, eating better etc.) when so many of us carry on with an activity that's expensive, socially discouraged and is virtually guaranteed to cause severe health problems?
Saturday 17 July 2010
Human beings don't do facts - we do perceptions
We human beings are not computers or machines.
Even if we are "no more than" assemblages of chemicals and electrical impulses, our organism is far, far, far more complex and subtle than even the most sophisticated devices created by man.
Treating human beings like machines, or expecting us to process information like computers, is not only wrong, it's wrong-headed - stupid.
"Perception" is not a bug in our human system that prevents us from grasping "reality". Perception is as close as we get to understanding "reality" - it's how we decide which "facts" are relevant, and how we assemble and make sense of those "facts".
Failing to understand the crucial role of perception in human interactions, or ignoring it, is equivalent to thinking that the earth is flat or that the sun goes round the earth.
Even if we are "no more than" assemblages of chemicals and electrical impulses, our organism is far, far, far more complex and subtle than even the most sophisticated devices created by man.
Treating human beings like machines, or expecting us to process information like computers, is not only wrong, it's wrong-headed - stupid.
"Perception" is not a bug in our human system that prevents us from grasping "reality". Perception is as close as we get to understanding "reality" - it's how we decide which "facts" are relevant, and how we assemble and make sense of those "facts".
Failing to understand the crucial role of perception in human interactions, or ignoring it, is equivalent to thinking that the earth is flat or that the sun goes round the earth.
Wednesday 14 July 2010
You are scuppered unless you are hands-on and learning from your experience
In our hyperconnected world, huge amounts of information are available to anybody with a connection. That levels the playing field. It means that a 20-year-old anywhere can muster facts and figures about any field as quickly as most 50-year-olds who have worked in that field all their life.
At any age, in any field of activity, what counts now are two things:
- Personal Experience, which means hands-on, things that you have done yourself NOT the innumerable case histories that are everwhere
- Learning from your Experience which means paying attention to the things you experience, reflecting on them and discussing them. Merely clocking up years doing a particular activity is no guarantee of expertise in it. Another person who has spent much less time doing it, but has learned more from it, will have a clear advantage.
Easy-going as I am, I increasingly find myself listening out for real substance as opposed to bullshit and bluster. I have found real substance in people of all ages, including teens - people who have actually tried things and gained insight from what they've tried.
At any age, in any field of activity, what counts now are two things:
- Personal Experience, which means hands-on, things that you have done yourself NOT the innumerable case histories that are everwhere
- Learning from your Experience which means paying attention to the things you experience, reflecting on them and discussing them. Merely clocking up years doing a particular activity is no guarantee of expertise in it. Another person who has spent much less time doing it, but has learned more from it, will have a clear advantage.
Easy-going as I am, I increasingly find myself listening out for real substance as opposed to bullshit and bluster. I have found real substance in people of all ages, including teens - people who have actually tried things and gained insight from what they've tried.
Tuesday 13 July 2010
Apple arguments - what are they really about?
Nobody much seems to argue about ideology any more. My father-in-law, Billy Bragg and a few other stalwarts still fly the red flag but it's not a discussion that stirs much passion.
Contrast that with the passion for and against Apple. Every day, in various places - in articles, online forums, in pubs and bars and diverse locations - people get very heated about the pros and cons of Apple.
Being a student of human nature as I am, and believing that arguments are usually about much more than the "content" of what's being argued about, as I believe, you can imagine that I'm wondering what the heck all the Apple arguments are really about.
I can certainly give a pretty full account of why I get worked up on the subject, but before then I would be interested to hear from others what they think. If possible I would like to hear you perspective on what the Apple arguments are really about, rather than the minutiae of he said/she said, product specs and market share.
Contrast that with the passion for and against Apple. Every day, in various places - in articles, online forums, in pubs and bars and diverse locations - people get very heated about the pros and cons of Apple.
Being a student of human nature as I am, and believing that arguments are usually about much more than the "content" of what's being argued about, as I believe, you can imagine that I'm wondering what the heck all the Apple arguments are really about.
I can certainly give a pretty full account of why I get worked up on the subject, but before then I would be interested to hear from others what they think. If possible I would like to hear you perspective on what the Apple arguments are really about, rather than the minutiae of he said/she said, product specs and market share.
Monday 12 July 2010
Ice cream - the vice for softies
It probably started in my home town, Windsor. A little Neopolitan family ran a cafe with under-the-counter bookmaking and ice cream when the weather was hot, or at Christmas. Just the one flavour, known these days as "fior di latte". Happy days.
Studying in Florence in the 1970s there was the famous Vivoli's to lure me into the ways of indulgence, then working in Rome in the early 80s Giolitti was just round the corner from the office. Since then, I've always made a point of checking out where the best ice cream can be found.
Living in or near Amsterdam 1994-2004 Pisa Ice near the RAI was always worth a detour, Their liquorice ice cream was out of this world. The only downside was they closed for the winter.
In London, just along from the Polish Centre on King Street Hammersmith was a little Iranian restaurant that served gorgeous safran ice cream - barely sweet, but utterly delicious. Haunting, even.
On holiday with the family in the States in 2007, we found a place in Moab UT that served pretty good ice cream but the portions... even a single scoop ($3.00) was the size of a baby's head. Up in Yellowstone Park, the local ice cream made from Montana milk was very good indeed.
And now the nearest serious temptation is about 6 miles away in Bath - the Real Italian Ice Cream Company is a regular haunt of mine. The texture is excellent but you have to know your flavours. The coffee and chocolate are rich and intense but the mango and the tutti-frutti I had yesterday were a bit non-descript. Just up the road is a little place that does excellent Turkish Delight ice cream plus a few other interesting flavours.
The one I still yearn for is Black Sesame Sesame Seed ice cream I had a small Japanese restaurant in mid-town Manhattan in September 2008.
I could live out the rest of my days without touching wine or beer and not worry too much about it. But ice cream ....
Studying in Florence in the 1970s there was the famous Vivoli's to lure me into the ways of indulgence, then working in Rome in the early 80s Giolitti was just round the corner from the office. Since then, I've always made a point of checking out where the best ice cream can be found.
Living in or near Amsterdam 1994-2004 Pisa Ice near the RAI was always worth a detour, Their liquorice ice cream was out of this world. The only downside was they closed for the winter.
In London, just along from the Polish Centre on King Street Hammersmith was a little Iranian restaurant that served gorgeous safran ice cream - barely sweet, but utterly delicious. Haunting, even.
On holiday with the family in the States in 2007, we found a place in Moab UT that served pretty good ice cream but the portions... even a single scoop ($3.00) was the size of a baby's head. Up in Yellowstone Park, the local ice cream made from Montana milk was very good indeed.
And now the nearest serious temptation is about 6 miles away in Bath - the Real Italian Ice Cream Company is a regular haunt of mine. The texture is excellent but you have to know your flavours. The coffee and chocolate are rich and intense but the mango and the tutti-frutti I had yesterday were a bit non-descript. Just up the road is a little place that does excellent Turkish Delight ice cream plus a few other interesting flavours.
The one I still yearn for is Black Sesame Sesame Seed ice cream I had a small Japanese restaurant in mid-town Manhattan in September 2008.
I could live out the rest of my days without touching wine or beer and not worry too much about it. But ice cream ....
Wednesday 7 July 2010
The acid test of conversations
No (wo)man is an island. We are social beings, reliant on each other for practical needs but also for emotional well-being. The more options we have to connect with others, the more we are able to create and maintain the connections we need for our well-being.
Conversation is an essential form of social interaction, except perhaps for the Finns and some teenage boys.* So your approach to conversation is important for your well-being.
Your approach to conversation can leave people wanting more, it can leave them feeling neutral/okay, or it can make them feel like avoiding you.
Whatever your medium of conversation - face to face, Twitter etc. - the acid test is whether other people want to interact with you again, or not. If they don't, you risk a slippery slope to isolation.
Conversation is an essential form of social interaction, except perhaps for the Finns and some teenage boys.* So your approach to conversation is important for your well-being.
Your approach to conversation can leave people wanting more, it can leave them feeling neutral/okay, or it can make them feel like avoiding you.
Whatever your medium of conversation - face to face, Twitter etc. - the acid test is whether other people want to interact with you again, or not. If they don't, you risk a slippery slope to isolation.
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